The Bonds Between Judds
The scene: A TV Guide cover photo shoot to promote the
upcoming Judds’ miniseries, Love Can Build a Bridge.
The topic: A family fight.
Wynonna is adamant that her son won’t be on the cover; TV
Guide editors threaten to yank the cover if Elijah’s not in the
photo (they didn’t carry through). This is not simply a demanding
star: “She’s far too sensitive to the fact that she’s not
married to allow Elijah to do that,” her mother explains.
Ashley’s been up all night, shooting a movie with Robert
DeNiro and Al Pacino. Understandably, she’s “in a fowl mood
and not real keen on having to put on makeup and do hair,”
Naomi said.
Naomi, without any assistants on hand, is trying to coordinate
the photo, soothe TV Guide editors and calm her daughters.
“We just duked it out,” Naomi, 49, said in a recent
interview. “I wound up apologizing, saying ‘I promise you I
will not try to be the “I’ll do it myself said the Little
Red Hen” next time.’ ”
Though few mothers and daughters find themselves arguing over
a cover shoot for a national magazine, Naomi believes the
principal is universal. “You can’t tell me this doesn’t go
on in every single family. It’s just magnified with us. The
emotions, the power struggles of trying to be free and autonomous
yet still wanting Mom to have answers.”
It is a power struggle that Naomi Judd knows well. She toured
the country for eight years with Wynonna as part of one of
country music’s most successful duos. Onstage, they were the
picture of love and harmony. Offstage, as the miniseries reveals,
they had battle royales. She gave up touring in 1991, diagnosed
with a fatal liver disease that’s now in remission. At the same
time, she and her daughters entered therapy; she says she was
preparing them for life without her.
In recent months, she’s healed an 18-month rift with her own
mother caused by her forthright autobiography and watched Wynonna
follow her down a familiar path: an out-of-wedlock pregnancy.
It’s what she calls the “agony and ecstasy” of the
mother-daughter relationship.
“Our therapist told me recently that in 39 years of
clinical work she’d never seen a mother-daughter bond that’s as
intense as what exists between Wynonna, Ashley and I. The three
of us would rather be with each other, no matter if we’re
fighting, than anyone else on earth. When we’re together and
we’re grooving, it’s a 10 on the emotional Richter scale.”
Naomi, the daughter
The scene: Naomi’s therapist’s office.
The topic: Her mother’s reaction to the miniseries.
This marks a particularly edgy time, since Polly Rideout,
Naomi’s mother, had not reacted well to the book on which the
miniseries was based. Naomi invited her mother to visit and watch
the miniseries with Naomi’s Christian therapist; Naomi was not
present.
“I thought that would be a safe atmosphere for her to
view it in. I thought she might very well bolt, just hop in her
truck and head back to Kentucky. I was on pins and needles all
day. She showed up at the farm and walked in the kitchen like
nothing ever happened.”
The two did not discuss the miniseries, but Naomi assumed that
her mother’s reaction meant “she was relieved.”
The next day, a production crew from The Nashville Network was
due at Naomi’s house for a Mother’s Day special called Mother
Knows Best.
“I stepped out in complete faith that my mother would be
on camera with me, even though she and I are from two different
generations and she and I have a different relationship than Wy
and I do and Ashley and I do. The fact remains that trust is
proof of real love.”
She may have trusted her mother, but that didn’t mean she
wasn’t nervous.
“I admit I was sitting there with my heart pumping wildly
while she was being asked these questions. Dolly Carlisle, the
producer, asked my mother, ‘Of what are you most proud?’ She
said, right into the camera, ‘My daughter changes peoples’
lives.’ ”
Rideout knew that because fans had written her, telling of how
Naomi’s book had affected their lives, and basically
“thanking me for raising such a daughter.”
Those were fans who had been touched by Naomi’s autobiography
the same book that had caused the rift between mother and
daughter. “When I sat down to write the book, I just flat
out told it all,” Naomi said. “My mother is the hero in
my life. She’s had an incredibly fractured heart and to share
triumph, you have to share the conflicts. The Judd matriarchy is
so strong and she’s the original Judd.”
Still, the original Judd does disclose one typical mother
statement on the TNN special: She thinks Naomi wears too much
makeup.
Naomi, the mother
The scene: The backporch at Naomi’s Williamson County farm,
called Peaceful Valley
The topic: Wynonna’s pregnancy.
The words were simple: “Mommy, I’m pregnant.”
Yet it reverberated on two levels for Naomi. On one hand, she
was about to become a grandmother. And her daughter, a superstar
who has legions of young fans, was about to face “public
criticism of gale proportion.”
But on the other hand, Naomi was hurled back 32 years, to the
day a 17-year-old Naomi told her own mother those same words.
“The parallels between Wynonna and I throughout life are
so uncanny. The shame and the guilt that I felt was so
overwhelming. I can assure you in small-town, middle class
America, it was a big scandal, especially since I was the girl
who made all A’s and kept my room clean and colored within the
lines and played the piano at church.”
She also was the girl who entered into a marriage she says she
knew wouldn’t last, setting her course for a move to California,
a second child, a divorce and living on welfare.
Pregnancy for Wynonna was quite different, yet still very much
the same.
“She didn’t have to worry about how she was going to buy
diapers and take this child to the pediatrician. We stayed up all
night and talked. I felt so hurt for her that she so completely
understood and accepted the moral consequences. It was hard for
me as a mother to see her suffering. But in one way, I was glad.
Had she been flippant about it, I would have been completely
horrified.”
Still, Naomi knew the public questions would come and they
would be hard to answer. She gave her daughter a pop quiz.
“I really had to gulp before I asked this: ‘What are you
going to say the first time a mother comes up to you and says,
“I’m disappointed in you because my daughter idolizes
you.” ‘ She put her face in her hands and for five or 10
minutes just sobbed.”
Naomi, the producer
The scene: The kitchen table
The topic: The Judds have just found out that NBC has
purchased the rights to Naomi’s book for a TV miniseries.
This was not a cause for celebration.
“My manager had signed the contract; Wynonna and I were
not privy to any of the negotiations. Zero, zip, zilch.”
Naomi says she only found out about the miniseries on a
“mega-coincidence. The night Wynonna did her first solo
showcase in Minnesota on a freezing cold, pouring night, I was
returning to my hotel. I’m in the lobby, bending down taking my
dog off his leash. This man begins to shriek with laughter. He
said, ‘My name is Jordan Kerner.’ I said, ‘Would you like an
autograph?’ ”
A few hours later, Kerner whose movie credits include Fried
Green Tomatoes had explained the situation to Judd. He had been
tapped to produce the miniseries and there was absolutely no way
the Judds could get out of it.
“I told Wy and Ashley, ‘As I see it, we only have two
options. The only thing I know to do is A) Throw up my hands and
say, “We’re out of here.” or B) We could send me out as
designated hitter and try to be a guardian angel to shepherd our
story.’ That’s the way we decided to go.”
Naomi moved to Los Angeles for three months to oversee the
production without the blessing of her daughters. “I felt so
alone. So out of control. When I would call home, they wouldn’t
even ask me what I was doing. They wanted nothing to do with it.
That was so lonely for me because we are not that way. We are so
supportive of each other.”
So supportive that when Wynonna launched her solo career,
Naomi was there. So supportive Mom flew to the premiere of Ruby
in Paradise, which marked Ashley’s first starring role in a
feature film.
But not so supportive that Ashley would agree to star as her
mother. Not even with a hefty dose of maternal manipulation.
“I cooked her favorite butt-extender meal [that's
Juddspeak for calorie-laden]. I rubbed her feet. I read To Kill a
Mockingbird to her all night. Then I hit her up with the big
whammy. I said, ‘Sweetie Pie, you know me better than anybody
except for Sister and Pops and you’re an award-winning actress.’
”
Ashley’s response: “Not just no, but hell no.”
Eventually, both daughters relented at least partially.
Wynonna re-recorded some duets with her mother and Ashley voiced
the narration.
And, after piling on Naomi’s bed to watch the finished
product, the three Judd women were in agreement: They liked it.
“I was afraid they’d make it like a Hallmark
classic,” Naomi said.” I was afraid they’d just
sanitize the crap out of it. Wynonna and Ashley and I are just
normal people. I get really upset with the media because you’re
constantly bombarded with images of perfect people, perfect
families. Every family’s dysfunctional to a degree. I’m extremely
proud of my family because we work so darn hard to stay together.
“Still, sometimes it wears me out.”
TVGuide – 1995
